A Childhood Dream

Hello again, blogger!

Growing up in Indonesia as a 90’s generation, we, kiddos, we’re used to watching Japanese cartoon every Sunday; Doraemon, Detective Conan, Chibi Maruko-chan, Saint Seiya, Ninja Hattori, P-man, Crayon Shinchan, Cardcaptor Sakura, Minky Momo, etc. -you name it. But for a geek like me, watching them wasn’t enough so then my parents also subscribed a tv cable. My favorite channel was Animax, of course.

The bigger impact was mostly made by my older sister. From her, I began to know about reading comics and listening to Japanese band. We were a big fan of L’arc~en~ciel. We began to listening to their every new album, buying cassettes and CDs, even watching their concerts and world tour from VCDs! Not to mention the other band we like. Huge collection of them were stored in our old PC.

Quite surprising, eh? Yup. But it’s all the truth. Myself in the elementary school was that geek. I grew up watching animes and reading mangas. Comic books from Japan known as Manga were keep being sold in the bookstore in Indonesia until now. I read them, over and over again, I buy them every time we went to a bookstore, I wait patiently for the next chapter, I spent my time drawing in the class and making stories, I recreate the character in my own drawing and send them to the publisher. Even my childhood dream was: being a comic writer.

As I hit my teenage life, I began to like their dramas (known as J-dorama) and anime movies as my school schedule won’t let me spend too much time on that kind of thing, I need to focus on my study. And of course, there wasn’t a room for a being a comic writer in my family. Instead, I become a doctor.

So that’s how a Japanese culture affects me. I always want to go there…

They say childhood was the time of inspiration and dream, and adulthood is when we bring them to reality. There was once a time that I have to bury my dream. Facing unacceptance from a one-year Intercultural program called AFS, I feel sad almost every day. And I cried really hard one time. It’s almost unfair because I was officially accepted, but the institution was facing a hard time as they were short on money. Months later, after the other delegates have gone and living in their dream countries, there was a letter addressed to me. A decision was made: I can go to Japan for 3 weeks. Wha! As I remember, it was scheduled for my 5th semester of high school. Critical time for a final year student to study because we were facing a selection for SNMPTN undangan. Facing the headmaster, and I got no permission from the school. And that’s how it is, a childhood dream of mine had to rebury one more time.

(to be continued)



Sometimes I wonder why we love

for love are uncertain

Like the beauty of sky,

sunny days and clear and warm,

it rays from up above, to touch our soul

But then it comes to us

making shadows

Like the stars and the moon, it shines

In the dark,

brighten our night

Like when it rains,

dark clouds,

wet and cold

But the scent of yours remains in each drop

And bring back memories..

Can I tell you again someday?

That love, are uncertain

And I wonder why I love







You know, I am just an ordinary girl and can be easily touched by the simplest thing. It’s my first poet tho, and I decide to publish it as a new segment of this blog.  I was inspired by the one and only @lucedaleco Instagram feed. I adore her, really. Vintage girl, melancholic souls, productive, and smart chick! Her words are strong. She is one of my favorite blogger since looong time ago; Diana Rikasari, Evita Nuh, and Claradevi Handriatmadja. You can check her feed 🙂

Trick or treat

At the end of the day I started to realize that not all people can cope with us. Our pace, passion, and energy were not same afterall. Being the one who lead is tiring. After so much time invested and energy wasted in the process, we’re drained.

I bet you may stop and think, “How can people work like this? What do you expect? Will it be worth it?”

Vice verca, being the ‘burden’ is also tiring. After so much trial and error, we’re drained. And you may start to ask the exact same questions. Isn’t life ridiculous?

Sometimes we are trying so hard we work our ass off climbing upstairs and yet we can not see any sun beam. Maybe life was once a clown. He is full of trick and he look absurd, but all we have to do is to enjoy the fun. Watching him alone maybe you’ll think about his absurd face, but together you may start to feel the happiness that was shared by your friends’ laughter.

Life teach you to pass ion, share those vibes you got, man. It’s not always how tough our day have been that will ligthen up people and inspiring them. Beware of your ion!

Welcome, November!

yes, you guess it right! it is my birthday

yes, you guess it right! it is my birthday

Sometimes I can’t understand why people forget their birthday, as for me it was a really important day. I would expect my parent offering a birthday gift and my friends would send their prayer for me.. it was a happy memory back then, its good to have every people you love in your special day 🙂

This year.. the month November gets more exciting than it was before! Speaking of truth, I don’t really care about birthday gift any more (I’d be GLAD if somebody gave me, anyway. Hehe). I know something big is coming.. a step ladder that I have to climb, its stealing away the excitement I felt for my birthday




Final Assignment, Yay!

It’s a mixed up feeling~ I am happy and nervous.. really want to do it as soon as possible, and I want it to be perfect, and I am scared (who don’t???)

So… May I graduate this month, please

P.S : please send your kind prayer to me 🙂

#np : Locked Away

anggap saja ini chat, ini curhat. jadi ceritanya…

ausi drama banget kalau lagi dapet

terus gampang stress…

kalau ada yang bilang ausi kuat aku gini aja : emote :”

kalau ada yang bilang ausi rajin beuuhh u dont kno me sowell mabro!

emang semua orang ada flaaaws, ada aja cela di hidup gue.

satu yang ga pernah bikin kecewa, Yang Di Atas

baik banget padahal banyak dosa, baik banget padahal usaha ga seberapa..

you sing for human : tell me honestly would you still love me the same ? :”) thats human~~~

but when you worship God you’ll know that yes, He loves you forever 🙂

so why lean on human? aah.. cos we need that support.

PENTING! lonely feeling is the saddest thing in life.. and we all want somebody to stick around in the hard time, right??

bisa ngomong gini karena udah ber drama dulu, been there.. done that..

so why lean on God? cos He’s the only one we should put our hopes to, and the best part : He’ll answer

whatev ur condition, whoever u r, JUST HOPE & PRAY  and HE’LL ANSWER! :’D

never dissapointing. never leave us alone.

so.. CHEERS!

ps : it may take time, it may not be what u expect BUT be glad. It’s the answer and u’ll learn something. something really important in ur life thru the hard times.

So tell me, how can I not love ’em ?

Dear God,

I remember Ramadhan had just passed, I remember celebrating Eid with my family in home. It was great, coming back to home. Thus, meeting almost the whole family means that there were questions about life, school, future plans.  Recently.. I feel  that I am being the worst version of myself. As I grew up the questions got harder, or is it just me who take it …way too seriously? As a medical student who live faaar away from hometown, as a college student on their final year, as a child who live in a family with a smarter sisters and cousins?

I am that melancholy :’) why won’t it stop, oh my dear tears?

You know (dear God,and dear people who read this), right at the moment when I made this post my mother just came in. Me with the laptop, trying to hold the tears while she doesn’t see my face, pretending to close this page and opened anything related to final assignment —absolutely.

Dear God, right at that moment You made me realized that in the past, it is her that I blamed for raising me like this, so then I became so melancholic. But that’s not true. Right at that moment You made me realized that it was the past, coming back and surround my self with those thought,  I became the worst. Those thought that I believe will really hurt any parents in this world, if they knew, that his/her child is blaming them for what they’ve become.

Truth is, it was her (and my father too, of course) that I love very dearly. They’re the one that I don’t wanna hurt, and the last one I want to show my sadness to.

…And I remember that maybe this year will be my last year to spent Eid together before starting coass.

So, dear God…Thank You for sending her to my room at that moment when I stuck with my past. She came, she turn on the lights for me (my eyes are bad), and also killed the mosquitos (HAHA). Thank You for reminding me the most important thing in my life just by her one glance.. 🙂


Entah apa namanya perasaan kalau kita tahu orang yang kagumi itu juga banyak dikagumi  orang lain, yang jauh lebih dari kita.. lebih dewasa lebih rajin lebih pinter lebih cantik, baik hatinya, pinter masak pula, dan lebih cocok, lebih baik untuknya dibandingkan kita.
Bukan marah
Bukan iri
Bukan dengki..

Merasa ngga pantes dan lebih baik mundur aja, berhenti mikir aneh-aneh, berhenti berharap aneh-aneh. Akhirnya menjauh, meskipun rasanya ada yang aneh, dan rasanya…nyesek.

Pesan seorang teman


Ikhlaskan dulu, rubah sikap, pelan-pelan baru kau bisa jujur… susah kalau jujur sama diri sendiri aja belum bisa.

Trust issue

“Jadi perempuan itu… gak boleh galau. Udah sibukin diri aja, kerjain apa kek, sibukin diri pokoknya biar gak inget galau. Soalnya kita gampang banget terpengaruh perasaan.”

Those are my words (haha) -that kind of supportive motivation for  my friend. Sok bijak ya… padahal itu nasehat untuk diri sendiri.

I, …deep down in my heart, believe that you know what I feel. And that is why I feel guilty.

Satu waktu yang lalu, saya yang bertanya-tanya tentang hati mu. Sudah terisi kah, dengan seseorang? Paham benar saya bagaimana rasanya cemburu setengah mati, ditambah hanya bisa menerka-nerka tentang mu.. lalu berakhir dalam doa. Tidak pernah sekali pun terbersit, bagaimana kah anggapan mu tentang ku? Apakah kamu juga berpikiran sama dengan ku, juga cemburu sama seperti ku?

Baru saat ini saya berharap, semoga kamu tidak merasakan seperti saya, karena saat itu saya hampir menyerah. Saya paham benar, bagaimana rasanya cemburu setengah mati… and that’s why I feel guilty. Saya tidak ingin kamu juga merasakan panasnya hati karena cemburu, kemudian berpikir bahwa saya tidak serius, atau mempermainkan perasaan orang. Karena saya tahu itu tidak enak.

Saya pernah hampir menyerah..
Entah apa anggapan mu tentang ku, bagaimana perasaan mu terhadap ku. (Andai) apa yang saya pikirkan benar. Adakah nama ku, berakhir juga dalam doa mu?


Rasa percaya itu, sulit dibangun bukan?

A guy and a girl can be just friend. But at one point or another, they will fall for each other.. maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
-500 Days Of Summer

Beep beep boop

Sejujurnya, sekarang saya lagi kenyang. Tapi mulut kok pingin ngunyah gitu ya… rasanya pingin keluar kostan, pergi keluar gitu jajan, eh tapi hujan. Mana hari ini rejeki anak sholeh ada acara dan di kostan ntar bakal dikasih makan ibuk (PEDE) haha. Idk why, ini mulut rasanya ngidam coklat, udah lama ngga makan coklat dan segala yang berbau-bau coklat (penting). Karena kalau dulu di rumah tuh mau ngemil selalu tersedia gitu stock cemilan, di kulkas, di dalem box di lantai 2, di kamar, dimana-mana deh, dan cuma saya yang paling ‘cangkul’. Jadilah saya pingin makan terang bulan, muffin dan roti coklat-pisang citra, kue coklat breadstory, sama ice cream sundae coklat Mcd.






yah daripada ga kesampaian kan kalo maunya kayak di rumah :’) jadilah disesuaikan sama Malang. Memang sebenarnya kehidupan ku di Malang itu seperti apa sih?

1. Kost

2. FK

3. Jalan Kaki

4. Nebeng

5. Lakesma

6. Makan 😀 hehe

Gatau kenapa, semester akhir-akhir ini saya sering jalan-jalan culik orang makan haha. Culik, tapi saya yang nebeng. HAHA. Kalau soal makanan disini jangan dibandingin sama Jakarta, sama Bandung, Surabaya, beda soalnya haha. Tergantung gaya hidup juga sih. Tapi ya.. pada dasarnya kota ini memang ga sebesar kota yang barusan saya sebut. Murah. foooor real.

Kalau di Jakarta setiap pagi ada abang bubur ayam sama lontong sayur lewat, depan sekolahan ada sate padang, di kantin ada nasi uduk, siomay, mie yamin, di tempat les ada ketoprak dan gado-gado. Kalau di malang (dan kamu mahasiswa, dan ngekost) memang ya dimana-mana lalapan sama bakso hehe. Ya minimal bakso abang-abang aja tuh, enak, dan kok ya saya percaya sama semua abang bakso. Dulu, selalu was-was dalam hati “…ini daging apa…bye”, dan disini ga pernah ada pikiran kayak gitu ke abang tukang baksonya. Tapi bakso disini namanya ‘pentol daging’, terus milih sendiri, literally ambil sendiri, terus sounnya warna kebiruan. Jadi, bakso consist of : pentol, pentol daging, gorengan, tahu, siomay, mie/soun,

Bakso kesukaan saya : 1) bakso deket kostan yang sekarang udah tutup huhu, gatau kemana. 2) bakso bakar nya bakso gatau apa diajakin Atak pas jaman krima. 3) bakso bakarnya pahlawan trip. 4) bakso president. 5) bakso deket kostan yang depan kostan nomor 18. 6) bakso gede kantin..yang isinya telur, yang sekarang udah tutup huhu.

Meskipun begitu, yang sering saya beli itu beda lagi, malah bakso 757 (jumaju) deket kostan, karena buka sampe malem di saat saya udah maag kelaperan baru pulang :’) tapi bakso bikin di rumah jauh lebih enak.

Selain bakso, yang khas lagi di malang adalah : PEDES. berlevel. ya, kalau kamu gak suka pedas maka kamu gak level! camkan itu. Banyaak banget makanan di Malang yang pake level, dan laku. Yang paling umum itu adalah lalapan, jajanan taiwan street snack dan segala jenis mie. Istilah lalapan itu saya baru tahu nih setelah tinggal disini, lalapan itu nasi + lauk (ayam/tempe/tahu/ikan goreng) + lalapan dan sambel. Beda ya, kalau di sunda mah lalapan artinya sayur-sayuran yang dimakan tanpa dimasak, kayak timun, kemangi, lah ini cuma seiprit bagian dari makanannya dan biasanya gak dimakan, but they called it ‘lalapan’ as the whole dish. Oke..

Nah.. untuk urusan mie saya lumayan suka. Mie kesukaan saya : 1) Mie galau. 2) Mie Setan. 3) Mie Jogja

Enaak dua-duanya enak, anehnya, saya suka padahal kuahnya dikit. Riwayat saya tuh suka sama mie dari kecil yang kuahnya banjir, eh ini malah kayak gaada kuahnya gitu tapi enak. Terus murah. aku yang paling inget Mie Setan karena baru dari sana dua hari yang lalu, harganya satu porsi cuma Rp8.000,00 , ga percaya kan. Berasa kantin SMA :’) tapi ngantrinya panjang banget… saking ramenya. Ohiya, kalau ke sana dan ga suka pedes, ada kok namanya Mie Angel, haha lucu yaa 🙂

Beda lagi soal tempat nongki-nongki. Di Malang, sekarang banyak banget cafe-cafe ala-ala. Setiap ada yang baru buka, pasti ngehits banget semua orang kesitu, kan bikin penasaran hehehe. Tapi saya paling suka ituuuuuu….

1) Illy! ❤

Mau illy ngantri waiting list-nya sepanjang apa, tempatnya sekecil apa, tetap favorit hihi. Rasanya semua menu di illy enaaak. Padahal pertama kali ke Malang saya ke illy, dan mestinya setelah beberapa tahun dan nyoba berbagai tempat saya nemu dambaan hati lain kan ya, tapi tetep suka kesana masa haha. Burger illy enak, eskrim illy enak, pastanya enak, japanese pancakenya enak, pizzanya enak, semuanya enakkk, jadi laper. Selain itu, mungkin nomor dua Baegoppa. HEHE. Porsi juaraaa.

Kebanyakan ngocehin makanan nih saya :’D jadi malu sendiri. Udahan ya… See you!

P.S : Terang bulan itu martabak manis, siang-siang juga tetep namanya terang bulan, aku kira jualan kalau malem doang haha. Lucu yaa disini martabak cuma martabak telor. Kalau manis namanya? kamu #gombal