I remember Ramadhan had just passed, I remember celebrating Eid with my family in home. It was great, coming back to home. Thus, meeting almost the whole family means that there were questions about life, school, future plans. Recently.. I feel that I am being the worst version of myself. As I grew up the questions got harder, or is it just me who take it …way too seriously? As a medical student who live faaar away from hometown, as a college student on their final year, as a child who live in a family with a smarter sisters and cousins?
I am that melancholy :’) why won’t it stop, oh my dear tears?
You know (dear God,and dear people who read this), right at the moment when I made this post my mother just came in. Me with the laptop, trying to hold the tears while she doesn’t see my face, pretending to close this page and opened anything related to final assignment —absolutely.
Dear God, right at that moment You made me realized that in the past, it is her that I blamed for raising me like this, so then I became so melancholic. But that’s not true. Right at that moment You made me realized that it was the past, coming back and surround my self with those thought, I became the worst. Those thought that I believe will really hurt any parents in this world, if they knew, that his/her child is blaming them for what they’ve become.
Truth is, it was her (and my father too, of course) that I love very dearly. They’re the one that I don’t wanna hurt, and the last one I want to show my sadness to.
…And I remember that maybe this year will be my last year to spent Eid together before starting coass.
So, dear God…Thank You for sending her to my room at that moment when I stuck with my past. She came, she turn on the lights for me (my eyes are bad), and also killed the mosquitos (HAHA). Thank You for reminding me the most important thing in my life just by her one glance.. 🙂